I am starting to feel like arie transitioning has created this senerio in my head where i am a confused kid choosing lunch tables. I want to sit with the queer kids, technically that is where i fit in, but the queer kids will all just think i am trying to hard to fit in. Then the straight kids are the kids who used to be my friends, and when i sit with them they all get furred brows and don't understand why i am there. "Aren't you dating a women now?"
yes, on all accounts i consider Arie to be a sexy little mamasita in which i have the pleasure of being with. I'm happy with her and i see myself with her for a long period of time. however, i have no idea where my place in the sexual preference lies. Yes, i am usually out for the dick, but i find girls attractive too, i always have. I have never thought about dating one until i got a huge punch in the vagina one day. now i am in this awkward middle ground where i test positive for pansexuality, but with only one person so it doesn't really count,(guess i didn't read the fine print) but shouldn't the sheer fact that i am staying with the person i love because of her and not her gender be enough to be considered pansexual? or do i continue to call myself straight and explain that i have a girlfriend for the rest of our relationship? when do i get my queer licence? does it come in the mail? do i have to graduate? are there classes?
i guess the reason i find this so unsettling is that i dont want to step on anyone's toes, maybe it's weird but i stumbled onto this lifestyle while as others have overcome obsticals and self loathing and heartache. it's very much like i am the new kid in school and i need to prove that i am enough to come hang with them.
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